The Vomiting Conundrum

So my wife and son are sick with a virus that causes both vomiting and the diarrhea. As anyone who shares close quarters with sickies knows I am going to get the virus. Its just a matter of when. Knowing that at any moment the virus could strike me I have been choosing my meals based purely on how pleasant or unpleasant they will be on the return trip. So the question DougO is...

Q: If you knew you were going to be vomiting it back up at some point but it was dinner time and you were hungry, what would you eat?

A: My guess is that this is the reason for the old adage "feed a cold and starve a fever".  Or was it "starve a cold..."?  Nah.  Let's go with the first one.  At any rate, a fever is more likely to come with a stomach virus, and around the onset of such things you are unlikely to feel like a big lunch, anyway.  But, for this case, say that you are a bit peckish.  Reason dictates that you want something without much texture, like broth or jello.  I always find the chunkier foods the least pleasant to revisit later.  But, of course, this is up to your personal taste in textures.  

I might also suggest that eating bland foods and foods that are easier on the digestion could forestall having to chuck it up later at all, working on the theory that your body has a tipping point that, once passed, triggers the response.  Keeping your body from getting to that point might mean you could ride the brief illness out without incident.

Personally, I take a more grimly determined route.  Considering how many things can upset my stomach, and given that most of those causes are transitory (or caused by not having eaten, or eaten the right things), I tend to eat whatever I want as long as I still have appetite.  I won't eat sausage or raw jalapenos, of course, but I won't starve myself just because I might be sick later.  Proper sustenance is, after all, part of good health.  Bring it on, agents of disease.  Let's see what you got.

The Deadly Sneeze

Q: There is one myth I don't see ever being tested on Mythbusters: that sneezing with your eyes open will cause your eyes to pop out of their sockets. Any truth to this? It's obviously not something I'm willing to try.

A: Authorities of no less prominence than Cecil Adams of The Straight Dope claim that there is no truth to this rumor, although one of his readers claims to have burst blood vessels in his eyes in the attempt.  I don't know if this seond claim is true, but it seems to follow reason that you will hurt yourself whenever you try to short-circuit your body's defense mechanisms (seeing if you can avoid flinching when hitting your fingers with a hammer, say).  So your caution is well-founded, even if you are likely to avoid having to shove your eyeballs back in if you try it.  

Incidentally, in the interest of related scientific discovery, my sons have determined that you do not explode if you burp, fart and sneeze at the same time.

To Pee, or Not to Pee

Q: In an episode of 'Friends', one character is stung by a jellyfish, and another comes to her rescue by urinating on the affected area. Apparently a chemical in the pee neutralizes the stinging sensation. Is this myth or fact? If a friend is writhing in pain from a jellyfish attack, and the pressure is on to do something, should you whip it out?

A: Nope. Peeing on jellyfish stings provides more entertainment value than medical assistance. There are two issues to deal with in a jellyfish sting, and urine does not address either one of them effectively.

The Cause
Jellyfish are covered in small cells called nematocysts - basically tiny water balloons with poison darts in the middle. Stings are caused when nematocysts burst and drive the stingers into your skin, and there are always a good number of nematocysts left untriggered that cling to the outside of the wound. Your first job is to get them off, before they can make the situation worse. Urine contains a substance, urea, that was used in the past as an antiseptic (among many other things), but what you need is something that will neutralize the stinging cells. Tests show that urine may actually cause the remaining cells to fire, so that's out. Vinegar seems to neutralize the nematocysts from most jellyfish, even the dreaded Box Jellyfish of Australia, which is so painful that it could kill you by shock alone. A notable exception to this cure is the Portuguese Man-O-War, whose stinger cells may actually be triggered by vinegar. Rinse with salt water instead. In no case should a jellyfish wound be rinsed with fresh water, and nothing should ever be rubbed into the wound. Some experts recommend shaving the affected area with a razor to remove the stingers after the nematocysts have been rendered safe.

The Pain
Jellyfish stings are similar to bee stings, so they respond to similar treatments, such as Benadryl and hydrocortisone. Again, urine doesn't help with the pain of a jellyfish sting, except in one potential fashion. If the person peed on believes it will help, then they may feel an actual lessening of their pain through the "placebo effect", as their mind is calmed by the belief that they have been treated. Yes, this actually works, since a major component of healing is psychological. And it's a lot more interesting for onlookers.

Gumming up the Works

Q: This came up in conversation earlier, but was never resolved to my satisfaction...so I leave it to you, DougO, to confirm or bust this myth: does swallowed chewing gum really stay in your stomach for years?

A: The crux of the matter is that chewing gum doesn't digest - it's made of a natural or synthetic latex, originally from tree sap, but later replaced by cheaper polymers. So swallowing it does it no harm except maybe to ruin the flavor. I leave that flavor to your imagination.

But, no, it has no special properties that would make it cling to your insides. It hangs out about as long as pennies, buttons or crayons do in your system - about two days. Then it makes it's way out with an even newer, less appealing flavor.

Incidentally, the story I was told as a small child about gum was weirder. I was told never to go to bed with gum in my mouth or it would end up in my hair. Actually, that's pretty straightforward. But what I thought they meant was that it would absorb magically into my body and I would start oozing chewing gum out of my hair follicles, like through one of those Play-Doh squeezers. I was terrified. It was only much later in life that I realized what they were talking about. Needless to say, I've been pretty shy of gum ever since.

Why does it hurt when i pee?

just wondering

A: It's impossible to say without knowing the techniques you are employing. While peeing may seem straightforward to most people, the subtleties may escape the uncoordinated, tentative, or inebriated. I would advise checking the manual for your equipment.

Incidentally, in rare cases urinary dysfunction can be caused by small fish invading the urethra. Note this report from the Internet Journal of Urology. While this particular case occurred in a suburban home while cleaning a fish tank, most reported cases of fish wriggling their way into one's urethra (ngyah. I can't believe I wrote that) are the work of the Brazilian Candiru, or "vampire fish". These fish, more feared by locals than piranhas, lie in wait in streams and rivers, then attack open sores to feed on blood, or in other cases follow the streams of urine from skinny-dipping humans. You fill in the blanks. If you think you might be afflicted by the Candiru, you have two options - costly surgery which "involves inserting the Xagua plant and the Buitach apple up the urethra", or, if that type of surgery is too expensive, amputation.

Hope this helps.

Vanishing Pee

Q: So last night I took a Benadryl and went to bed. I figured I wouldn't sleep too long because at the time I already had to pee really bad. When I woke up some 4 hours later I no longer had to pee at all. And I didn't wake up in a puddle of my own filth. So Doug, where did the pee go?

A: You were visited by the Pee Fairy.

How Do I Remove Captured Blood from a Toenail?

Q: Hey Doug, I injured my toe playing basketball, and now it looks gross. How do I remove captured blood from a toenail?

A: It depends. If the connective tissue has separated from the nail, but the front part hasn't, then the toenail will hinge forward like a European sports car's hood. Otherwise it will just fall off when the new toenail grows underneath it in a couple more days.