Numbers, Numbers everywhere so let's all have a drink.

Dear Doug,

Q: On my computer keyboard, the number pad starts with 1 on the bottom row. On my phone the numbers start with 1 on the top row.

Why are these two similar systems diametrically opposed? Is it like the struggle of capitalism vs. socialism? Why can't we all just get along?

A: Hm.  This one doesn't have the same answer as the "QWERTY" layout for keyboards, which was a mechanical solution to jamming early typewriters.  But it may be something similar, on a a psychological level, giving the user what they expect for the function of the pad.

I have no conclusive proof for this theory, but here it is.

Computer number pads are arranged in the same configuration as the buttons on a calculator, counting up from the bottom from 0.  This would be the expected behavior for early mass-produced computers, since they were (until a decade or two ago, in fact) considered to be nothing much more than very complicated and powerful calculators themselves.  VisiCalc, a spreadsheet program, was the first "killer app" for personal computers after all, and the reason people bought them in the early days - as a piece of accounting hardware.

Cell phones, however, developed from landline phones with keypads, which in turn developed from rotary phones.  Rotary phones counted upwards from 1,  starting at the top and going counter-clockwise around the dial to end at 0, which, besides being a number, represented the "O" in "Operator", making it a special space on the dial.  When phones moved from rotary to tuoch-tone dialing, the format of 1 to 9 going down with 0 in a special place at the bottom was maintained for familiarity and ease of use.  When equivalents for letters were needed, the letters of the alphabet were arranged in the same way, going from A to Z in groups in the same arrangement as the numbers, with the special buttons * and # at the bottom with the magic 0.

The problem, as you've already figured out, is when cell phones are computers, as is almost universally the case now.  No open warfare has broken out, and as far as I know, no one has mysteriously disappeared due to conflicts over how keypads are laid out.  So I have to conclude, even given that this is a mystery, that no secret societies are involved.

Well,... of course the vampires and the Bavarian Illuminati are involved, but that's always a given.

Simultaneous Spawn?

So, word on the street is, you, Doug, and a Mr. David Rose happen to have the same birthday.
Q: Is that weird, or what? And what Matt wants to know is, were you both spawned in the fiery pits of . . . the same place?

A: To the first question: Yes, it is. In answer to Matt's question, I can only say that I was born in New Jersey. You may draw your own conclusions.

Conspiracy Theory

Q: Dear DougO, what really happened in Roswell in 1947?

A: What, you don't believe your own government?

To recap the story, aliens supposedly crash-landed in the desert outside of Roswell, New Mexico, and the chunks of their flying saucer as well as their icky, unearthly bodies were recovered and secreted away by the US Air Force. Subsequent clumsy lies about it later from military officials, coupled with a stubborn reluctance to release the facts to the public, fueled belief in this version of events. The government has since released what documents they still had on the event (crappy as they are), but speculation still rolls on, if at a somewhat less than fever pitch. Oddly enough, some UFO nuts denounce the whole thing as a hoax, feeling that other UFO nuts who keep pressing the issue are making them look bad. The government shrugs its shoulders irritably and the Aliens seem to be unaware of the controversy altogether.

Seeing as how there are many, many websites that chew endlessly over the facts and implications of the Roswell crash, I feel comfortable operating in my usual mode - glib personal opinion. Here are my thoughts:

Were there aliens in the crash? Geez, I sure hope so. Speaking as an inhabitant of The Future, in a time where we have Star Trek communicators that can talk to anyone, anywhere, we have potatoes that grow plastic, and scientists have built an interface that lets monkeys control a computer with their brain waves, I have to ask, "Where are my flying cars?"

Aliens could build flying cars, I bet. And they could make them with good gas mileage. Considering the nearest planets that could conceivably support life are something like 100,000 light years away, their rides must be not only fast but sip fuel. Take that, Japanese car makers! Oh - and I want my own personal robot companion. Yes, I know that it will eventually turn against the human race and try to destroy us, but that may not be in my lifetime.

Assuming that the aliens aren't all dead (some say they've been caught wandering around in these blurry videos), I have have a long shopping list of future stuff I'd like to see. And I'd be willing to trade nice Earth stuff for it, too - hot dogs, native flora, glass beads, chia pets, old Kansas 8-track tapes, my brother's BMW,... I'm in a bargaining mood. But the reality may be that we need protection. Did I mention monkeys were taking over computers with mind control? Best deal with the problems of our day before spending all of our chits on getting my Corolla in the air.