Cheese is a wonderful thing. I love it on everything and by itself. But one thing does bother me...why is it not always white? I know milk is white...or whiteish, and I know that cheese is made with milk, and I know that curd is white. So why, oh why do folks mess with it to make it green, yellow, orange, blue, etc...?
A: This is actually a combination of at least two questions, chiefly, "What makes cheeses funny colors?" and, "Why would anyone do that to cheese?"
The first answer is easy enough. Blue and green cheeses are colored by the mold cultures grown in them. Otherwise, cheeses inhabit a fairly narrow range of color from white to a golden cream. Bright, screaming orange cheeses have orange dye added to them.
As for why people would dicker about with the color of cheeses, there is a good amount of legend and debate. For example: Cheddar cheese (known as "Tasty cheese" in Australia, I love that) has often been colored orange in the UK and almost always in the US. I had heard that the reason for the color was that, during either WWI or WWII, the Germans had attempted to poison Allied food supplies. The US began dyeing their cheeses orange to show that they were safe to eat. Afterwards, people got used to the "good" cheese being orange, and it was perpetuated by the marketers of cheese, like Kraft.
This theory has holes in it. For instance, the Germans wouldn't have to be geniuses to figure this out. If they were serious about killing the Allies with dairy products, the Axis would definitely have started dyeing the poisoned cheeses also. This would have sparked a "rainbow cheese" war, in which the final color for cheddar would be whatever it was when the Germans decided to give up and go back to bombing us instead. I'm betting such an arms race would have left cheddar lavender or screaming pink. Moreover, there doesn't seem to be much evidence that this is true.
A more likely reason for orange cheddar (though possibly not true either) is that cheddar and other more orange-y cheeses occur naturally during spring and summer months, when cows can tuck in to carrots and other veggies with a high beta-carotene content. Beta-carotene colors the cheese, and the happy cows produce more buttery milk, which makes the cheeses more tasty. Marketers realized that people looked for the orange cheeses, expecting that warmer-month cheeses were better, so all cheeses were dosed with carrot juice (later, synthetic dyes) to make them more appealing. The hole in this theory is that the beta-carotene should also make orange milk, which, as far as I know, it doesn't. But maybe the milk is being dyed back to white. Dizzying, isn't it?
Monday, May 19, 2008
Friday, May 9, 2008
Why does it hurt when i pee?
just wondering
A: It's impossible to say without knowing the techniques you are employing. While peeing may seem straightforward to most people, the subtleties may escape the uncoordinated, tentative, or inebriated. I would advise checking the manual for your equipment.
Incidentally, in rare cases urinary dysfunction can be caused by small fish invading the urethra. Note this report from the Internet Journal of Urology. While this particular case occurred in a suburban home while cleaning a fish tank, most reported cases of fish wriggling their way into one's urethra (ngyah. I can't believe I wrote that) are the work of the Brazilian Candiru, or "vampire fish". These fish, more feared by locals than piranhas, lie in wait in streams and rivers, then attack open sores to feed on blood, or in other cases follow the streams of urine from skinny-dipping humans. You fill in the blanks. If you think you might be afflicted by the Candiru, you have two options - costly surgery which "involves inserting the Xagua plant and the Buitach apple up the urethra", or, if that type of surgery is too expensive, amputation.
Hope this helps.
A: It's impossible to say without knowing the techniques you are employing. While peeing may seem straightforward to most people, the subtleties may escape the uncoordinated, tentative, or inebriated. I would advise checking the manual for your equipment.
Incidentally, in rare cases urinary dysfunction can be caused by small fish invading the urethra. Note this report from the Internet Journal of Urology. While this particular case occurred in a suburban home while cleaning a fish tank, most reported cases of fish wriggling their way into one's urethra (ngyah. I can't believe I wrote that) are the work of the Brazilian Candiru, or "vampire fish". These fish, more feared by locals than piranhas, lie in wait in streams and rivers, then attack open sores to feed on blood, or in other cases follow the streams of urine from skinny-dipping humans. You fill in the blanks. If you think you might be afflicted by the Candiru, you have two options - costly surgery which "involves inserting the Xagua plant and the Buitach apple up the urethra", or, if that type of surgery is too expensive, amputation.
Hope this helps.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Pocket Dictionary?
Q: Would you ever actually buy one of those pocket dictionaries?
A: Do you mean, "Would you ever own one?" or "Would you ever pay for one?" I'd happily let someone buy one for me. But I don't really see a use for one. Why do you want a dictionary in the first place? Dictionaries are used for two things:
1. looking up spellings for words that you don't know, and
2. looking to see if naughty words are in it.
Pocket dictionaries are duds for both purposes, because they include a bare minimum of words to save space, and naughty words are the first to go when trimming out content. Worse yet, in the rare case you do find a word that you don't know, the definitions are brutally short, like "bodkin (bod' kin) n. a stiletto", and of, course, "stiletto" isn't included in your dictionary.
P.S. You may ask, "What about pocket foreign language dictionaries?" Same problems. I carried one of these while I was studying in Mexico. Being outdoors a lot, I decided that I needed a pocket knife, so I went to a local mom and pop hardware store to get one. Looking in the book, the word for "pocket knife" was "cortaplumas". I was given no other options, so I asked the nice old woman at the counter if she had a "cortaplumas" for sale. She ran to the back of the store and got her husband. When I asked him the same question, they both shuffled backwards to the rear door and stood there, hugging each other in terror, saying nothing. It may have been that I was a foot taller than everyone in that village, and had long hair and a motorcycle jacket. Or it may have been that I had said, in Spanish, "can I buy a bloody machete with a skull in the hilt?" Having only the one option in the book, I was left to grin ingratiatingly and shrug - probably communicating to them that I could kill them any time I wanted to with my big shiny teeth, and how was this going to go down?
A: Do you mean, "Would you ever own one?" or "Would you ever pay for one?" I'd happily let someone buy one for me. But I don't really see a use for one. Why do you want a dictionary in the first place? Dictionaries are used for two things:
1. looking up spellings for words that you don't know, and
2. looking to see if naughty words are in it.
Pocket dictionaries are duds for both purposes, because they include a bare minimum of words to save space, and naughty words are the first to go when trimming out content. Worse yet, in the rare case you do find a word that you don't know, the definitions are brutally short, like "bodkin (bod' kin) n. a stiletto", and of, course, "stiletto" isn't included in your dictionary.
P.S. You may ask, "What about pocket foreign language dictionaries?" Same problems. I carried one of these while I was studying in Mexico. Being outdoors a lot, I decided that I needed a pocket knife, so I went to a local mom and pop hardware store to get one. Looking in the book, the word for "pocket knife" was "cortaplumas". I was given no other options, so I asked the nice old woman at the counter if she had a "cortaplumas" for sale. She ran to the back of the store and got her husband. When I asked him the same question, they both shuffled backwards to the rear door and stood there, hugging each other in terror, saying nothing. It may have been that I was a foot taller than everyone in that village, and had long hair and a motorcycle jacket. Or it may have been that I had said, in Spanish, "can I buy a bloody machete with a skull in the hilt?" Having only the one option in the book, I was left to grin ingratiatingly and shrug - probably communicating to them that I could kill them any time I wanted to with my big shiny teeth, and how was this going to go down?
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
The forgotten triumph of the 80s?
I was re-tying my shoes for about the 5th time today--very annoying--when a question occured to me:
Q: Why did Velcro shoes go out of style? They're so much easier!!
A: Ya got me. I used to love boat shoes, too, and they went way out of style.
All I can really do is observe that velcro's appeal fades over time. Ever look at the velcro from your toddler's shoes? Once they've pounded around in them for a few months, the "clingy" part gets so full of string, grass clippings, dog hair and shmutz that it flaps uselessly off the top of the shoe like a dried slice of ham. I imagine that, inevitably, the same thing happened to adult shoes and people got sick of pulling the springy lint out of them.
Q: Why did Velcro shoes go out of style? They're so much easier!!
A: Ya got me. I used to love boat shoes, too, and they went way out of style.
All I can really do is observe that velcro's appeal fades over time. Ever look at the velcro from your toddler's shoes? Once they've pounded around in them for a few months, the "clingy" part gets so full of string, grass clippings, dog hair and shmutz that it flaps uselessly off the top of the shoe like a dried slice of ham. I imagine that, inevitably, the same thing happened to adult shoes and people got sick of pulling the springy lint out of them.
Ideas in the shower
Dear DougO
Q: Why is it that a lot of people get some of their best ideas whilst in the shower?
A: It's hard to say for sure without knowing who these people are, and what kind of ideas they are having. But, speaking generally, there are a number of possibilities.
1. Maybe a hot shower gets the blood flowing to your brain faster.
2. Maybe the absence of other distractions allows ideas you've had in the back of your mind to come to the front.
3. Maybe the ideas seem better because you're already happy (bubblebubblewhooshbubble).
4. Maybe your ideas are about soap or nudity.
My experience is often a combination of these factors, adding to them the fact that you are in a place where you cannot possibly write these ideas down, and so ideas come with more ease than when you could actually make use of them.
Q: Why is it that a lot of people get some of their best ideas whilst in the shower?
A: It's hard to say for sure without knowing who these people are, and what kind of ideas they are having. But, speaking generally, there are a number of possibilities.
1. Maybe a hot shower gets the blood flowing to your brain faster.
2. Maybe the absence of other distractions allows ideas you've had in the back of your mind to come to the front.
3. Maybe the ideas seem better because you're already happy (bubblebubblewhooshbubble).
4. Maybe your ideas are about soap or nudity.
My experience is often a combination of these factors, adding to them the fact that you are in a place where you cannot possibly write these ideas down, and so ideas come with more ease than when you could actually make use of them.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Worms
Q: I include 'worms' as a subset of the larger category of 'bugs.' Others disagree. What's the proper classification scheme? Are Worms bugs?
A: Donovan points out that worms are "annelids", but that doesn't cover the question, I think, since the term "bug" is more a value judgment than a true category. "Germ" is another of those imprecise terms that is used frequently when we are young, but doesn't correspond well to true taxonomy. A "bug", as referred to by children (who use it most often), usually means "any creepy thing I can catch and scare little girls with". Worms fit very comfortably in that group, along with beetles, spiders, and roly-polies (aka "pill bugs" and "wood lice").
Therefore, if it:
1. is small
2. is alive
3. is squishy, or chitinous and many-legged (but not four-legged)
4. would make your sister scream if she found it on her arm or in her sandwich
5. is best left out of doors
...then I'd say it's a bug.
A: Donovan points out that worms are "annelids", but that doesn't cover the question, I think, since the term "bug" is more a value judgment than a true category. "Germ" is another of those imprecise terms that is used frequently when we are young, but doesn't correspond well to true taxonomy. A "bug", as referred to by children (who use it most often), usually means "any creepy thing I can catch and scare little girls with". Worms fit very comfortably in that group, along with beetles, spiders, and roly-polies (aka "pill bugs" and "wood lice").
Therefore, if it:
1. is small
2. is alive
3. is squishy, or chitinous and many-legged (but not four-legged)
4. would make your sister scream if she found it on her arm or in her sandwich
5. is best left out of doors
...then I'd say it's a bug.
Irresistible Force vs. Immovable Object
Q: Doug, if a cat always lands on its feet, and buttered bread always lands buttered-side down, what would happen if you tied buttered bread on top of a cat?
A: Science has disproved the "buttered-side down" hypothesis. Sad, but true. This still leaves the question of cats landing on their feet in all cases (assuming a live cat, of course), which has probably never been definitively tested because of the influence of animal rights groups. Therefore, a cat equipped with a buttered toast backpack is as likely to land on its feet as any other cat. A more interesting question might be, "What would happen if you strapped buttered toast to a cat's feet and threw the whole oily mess into the air?"
A: Science has disproved the "buttered-side down" hypothesis. Sad, but true. This still leaves the question of cats landing on their feet in all cases (assuming a live cat, of course), which has probably never been definitively tested because of the influence of animal rights groups. Therefore, a cat equipped with a buttered toast backpack is as likely to land on its feet as any other cat. A more interesting question might be, "What would happen if you strapped buttered toast to a cat's feet and threw the whole oily mess into the air?"
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